Guru Jeff's Sacred Testimonies

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The teachings and messages of Guru Jeff are finally reaching the rest of the world. Regardless of what the government says, there are many testimonies that prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Guru Jeff, leader of the Church Of The Holy Pinecone, LLC is not a god, but the "All Knowing One."

Read the following testimonies, basque in Guru Jeff's glory and feel free to support the cause by sending a voluntary cash donation.

Name:	xKinkoid
E-Mail:	xkinkoid@kinks.com
City/State:	arizona
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Tue Oct 1 19:30:40 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*xKinkoid Testifies...* 3 Questions You Ask a Kinko's Employee: How much are your stock options worth? When was the last time your branch made profit? You can live on $7.50 an hour? Bitter?...YES I AM! By the way, I have gained so much insight from your site, I'm sending you a cash donation

Name:	Billy Bob
E-Mail:	billybob@hehehe.blub
City/State:	Zatox 12
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Thu Sep 26 07:13:47 2002
Reason for visit:	I'm a government agent spying on your cult following
*Billy Bob Testifies...* snicker snicker BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By the way, I'm going to name my next child after you, Guru Jeff! If I fail in the next year to procriate. I will adopt a child and change his or her name. Can you imagine a chick named "Guru Jeff?"

Name:	Tech Bitch
E-Mail:	cosmicfame@hotmail.com
City/State:	Los Angeles
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Tue Sep 24 23:44:10 2002
Reason for visit:	I am an active follower of Guru Jeff
*Tech Bitch Testifies...* I am an inmate of branch 0666 in a major city in US of A. Everyday I pray to Guru Jeff that I will be released from my sentance, but the customers (demons) keep coming and coming and THEY WILL NEVER STOP!!! The first Kinko's order has been placed years ago and they will never catch up. The customers are a bunch of egotistical children and tantrums are thrown every day. The devil is behing the blue apron and he must be stopped. Gary Kusin is the child of the Beast. Guru Jeff you are an inspiration and ONE DAY I WILL BE FREE!!! Team-Bitch #039471140 By the way, I have gained so much insight from your site, I'm sending you a cash donation

Name:	Cosmic Rose
E-Mail:	cosmicrose@nwi.net
City/State:	Methow, Wa
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	CosmicRose.tripod.com/CCC.html
Date:	Wed Sep 18 00:46:56 2002
Reason for visit:	I am an active follower of Guru Jeff
*Cosmic Rose Testifies...* Guru Jeff... I still love ya babe! Even though you probably have long since forgotten about me... I just wanted you to know that I still have my Cosmic eye on you sweet cheeks. Thanks for the linkage cause I get a lot of visitors from your place ya know? Before I go, my friends think I'm nuts, but you are a god. I worship the ground you walk on!

Name:	kinkos sucks ass
E-Mail:	diediedieallcoworkers@kinkossucksass.com
City/State:	hell
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	www.dieallyoucopywhores.com
Date:	Wed Sep 4 23:50:27 2002
Reason for visit:	Searching for the path to enlightenment
*kinkos sucks ass Testifies...* working as a copy whore drove me to alcoholism The last thing I want to say is that my child was really depressed. Thanks to the wisdom he gained from your site, he is now cured of psychotic behavior.

Name:	kinkos sucks ass
E-Mail:	diediedieallcoworkers@kinkossucksass.com
City/State:	hell
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	www.dieallyoucopywhores.com
Date:	Wed Sep 4 23:50:25 2002
Reason for visit:	Searching for the path to enlightenment
*kinkos sucks ass Testifies...* working as a copy whore drove me to alcoholism In closing, before I had read your site, I didn't know what understanding was! Thanks Guru Jeff, you are my hero!

Name:	Richard
E-Mail:	sausages@grillmail.com
City/State:	Edinburgh
Country:	Other
Home Page:
Date:	Wed Sep 4 11:23:36 2002
Reason for visit:	Searching for the path to enlightenment
*Richard Testifies...* I'd just like to say that this truism from the temptation page has to be one of the truest most profound things I've ever heard: If you succumb to temptation and dishonesty and live your life to fulfill a wrong purpose, you will be miserable. As a side note, your "congregation of chicks" is by far the best collection of hot women on the web.

Name:	enlightenment
E-Mail:	zendo@yahoo.kr
City/State:	london
Country:	Other
Home Page:	oshana.org/
Date:	Tue Sep 3 15:15:39 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*enlightenment Testifies...* Through you devoted efforts your site is adding to the sum total of enlightenment in the world many thanks zendo I'm sort of drunk right now, so before I pass out, let me just say that you are my hero! You get the chicks and I'm extremely jelous.

Name:	JustaWoman
E-Mail:	ask Scrolling
City/State:
Country:	Other
Home Page:
Date:	Wed Aug 28 14:09:38 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*JustaWoman Testifies...* Quoting "SCROLLY Testifies... SCROLLY SCROLLY SCROLLY I have to go now, but I'm so happy that your teaching are finally reaching the rest of the world!" Does the truth scare you or is it me that scares you?...You are no doubt a male haha As a side note, your "congregation of chicks" is by far the best collection of hot women on the web.

Name:	Robert Ray
E-Mail:	Sendmebills@aol.com
City/State:	Texas
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Wed Aug 28 00:10:21 2002
Reason for visit:	Came here from a link
*Robert Ray Testifies...* I would like to donate to your cause. I prefer paypal can you send me a paypal request for donations. You can also give my info out. Robert Ray, Tel. 21-1650 Collect OK. By the way, I'm going to name my next child after you, Guru Jeff! If I fail in the next year to procriate. I will adopt a child and change his or her name. Can you imagine a chick named "Guru Jeff?"

Name:	Todd
E-Mail:	tdixon8875@yahoo.com
City/State:	NE
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Mon Aug 26 17:59:53 2002
Reason for visit:	I am an active follower of Guru Jeff
*Todd Testifies...* thanks! i enjoyed this page! more please! In addition, you say you aren't a god; I think you are lying.

Name:	kitty hawlk
E-Mail:
City/State:
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	http://pages.ivillage.com/kitty_halk/
Date:	Mon Aug 19 17:40:01 2002
Reason for visit:	I am an active follower of Guru Jeff
*kitty hawlk Testifies...* I really like the lessons.... Visit my MONEY MAKING SITE http://pages.ivillage.com/kitty_halk/ Profitably yours,, Rostum kitty hawlk I'm sort of drunk right now, so before I pass out, let me just say that you are my hero! You get the chicks and I'm extremely jelous.

Name:	menendez
E-Mail:	lucifer@hel.com
City/State:	bornem.belgium
Country:	Other
Home Page:	www.cuttingedge.org/pages/seminar2/SEAL1.htm
Date:	Sun Aug 18 15:01:54 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*menendez Testifies...* economic ruler my ass look at this page you will see the wat is hapining in your contrie and the world they are run by the free masons (the invisble 5% of theme) and the ilumnatie (probly death by now) plz check the rest of the sit to its neet P.S. bush is a ilumnati or free mason The only thing I have left to say is thank you for all your help! If one person is responsible for world enlightenment it is you Guru Jeff.

Name:	X walmartian
E-Mail:	n/a
City/State:
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Sat Aug 17 09:27:51 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*X walmartian Testifies...* you think kinko's is bad? try working for walmart!!! One last comment: This is by far the best designed web site on the internet. Thanks for bringing me out of a stage of severe depression.

Name:	bob humpernickle
E-Mail:	bob@humpme.com
City/State:	Humper Behind, Or
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	www.humpmenow.com
Date:	Thu Aug 15 21:38:57 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*bob humpernickle Testifies...* blow me In closing, I never knew how badly Kinko's sucks, but now that I read your guide to ass kissing, you're right!

Name:	JustaWoman
E-Mail:	justagirl@attitudex.com
City/State:
Country:	Other
Home Page:
Date:	Thu Aug 15 12:17:10 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*JustaWoman Testifies...* I found your site by accident and I must say "The Truth About Woman" is dead on lol. I am one of those women that hunger for that perfect man...you know the one, he is smart, sexy, loaded and all he wants to do is please me or else...I'll cut him off. The reason women are like that is simple...you let us get away with it. There is nothing easier than manipulatinig a man. Ok you may not agree but I have yet to meet a man I couldn't manipulate. Eighty percent think with the head on your pants, and the other twenty percent you built their ego until you gain complete control hehe. See just look how easy that was, and you know we can do...so why are you still being to easily lead? Oh right cause you males, silly me. I can honestly say with no doubt in my mind, my life would be boring without my man pet lol. This is for all you playas..when you think you know all there is to know about women, think again we are complex and manipulative beings, under-estimating us could be the death or your wallet, ego, job etc... My advice to all men is never trust a woman until she lets you see her weight while she is standing on the scales. I have to go now, but I'm so happy that your teaching are finally reaching the rest of the world!

Name:	SCROLLY
E-Mail:	SCROLLY
City/State:	SCROLLY
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	SCROLLY
Date:	Tue Aug 13 17:37:30 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*SCROLLY Testifies...* SCROLLY SCROLLY SCROLLY I have to go now, but I'm so happy that your teaching are finally reaching the rest of the world!

Name:	Stan Emerson
E-Mail:	StanEmerson@hotmail.com
City/State:	Detroit, MI
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Mon Aug 12 14:04:26 2002
Reason for visit:	I am an active follower of Guru Jeff
*Stan Emerson Testifies...* This site changed my life! I am now farther in debt and getting ass fucked by a large black inmate for starting my own company, I cannot wait for Guru Jeff's latest inhancement to my life! Thanks Jeff! I guess what I'm trying to say in that I should only hope to someday be as wise as you are.

Name:	buddha ben
E-Mail:	danksmoker@msn.com
City/State:
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Tue Aug 6 04:58:11 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*buddha ben Testifies...* This is a crazy site. The last thing I want to say is that my child was really depressed. Thanks to the wisdom he gained from your site, he is now cured of psychotic behavior.

Name:	Ray
E-Mail:
City/State:
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Fri Jul 26 00:31:17 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*Ray Testifies...* That is funny how you add stuff into peoples entries....like this ---> I'm sort of drunk right now, so before I pass out, let me just say that you are my hero! You get the chicks and I'm extremely jelous.

Name:	Ray
E-Mail:	brewinsomeemail@hotmail.com
City/State:
Country:	Other
Home Page:
Date:	Thu Jul 25 21:45:34 2002
Reason for visit:	Came here from a link
*Ray Testifies...* Are you trying to be like a "jesus christ" or something....lol I have to go now, but I'm so happy that your teaching are finally reaching the rest of the world!

Name:	Kinko
E-Mail:	www.kinkossucks.com
City/State:	Kinkossucks
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	KINKOSSUCKS
Date:	Thu Jul 25 12:26:20 2002
Reason for visit:	I am an active follower of Guru Jeff
*Kinko Testifies...* Kinko's sucks Kinkos Sucks Kinkos sucks I guess what I'm trying to say in that I should only hope to someday be as wise as you are.

Name:	Ping Phong
E-Mail:	www.pPhomg.com.tw
City/State:	Taichung, Taiwan
Country:	Other
Home Page:
Date:	Wed Jul 24 12:28:34 2002
Reason for visit:	I'm a government agent spying on your cult following
*Ping Phong Testifies...* Eye Compare to ancint Buhddist way and you big fortune cookie awe you chahlie? By the way, sometimes I thought my life sucked. After reading about "Joe the Kinko's Kiss Ass," I have developed 100% more self esteem.

Name:	me
E-Mail:	dumbass@gothicbecomes.com
City/State:
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	www.gothicbecomes.com
Date:	Mon Jul 15 03:21:34 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*me Testifies...* why would anybody work at kinkos anyway? In closing, I never knew how badly Kinko's sucks, but now that I read your guide to ass kissing, you're right!

Name:	yo Whats up g
E-Mail:
City/State:	Kinkos 1021
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Sun Jul 14 20:14:52 2002
Reason for visit:	I am an active follower of Guru Jeff
*yo Whats up g Testifies...* kinkos indeed does suck my big hairy cock One last comment: This is by far the best designed web site on the internet. Thanks for bringing me out of a stage of severe depression.

Name:	waffle guy
E-Mail:	sixhundred_and_sixty_six@hotmail.com
City/State:	england
Country:	Other
Home Page:	www.wafflehouse.com
Date:	Wed Jul 10 07:53:34 2002
Reason for visit:	I am an active follower of Guru Jeff
*waffle guy Testifies...* After worshipping jeff a number of c00l things happened 1: Discoverred free nachos 2: Overcame my addiction to cocaine 3: Passed 4 as level exams one with additional merit (A*) 4: Snuggled with someone For that i thankyou guru jeff. For each night i pray and for each night i pray i dream i am being chased by penguins and you swipe the penguins away in all your nudity and i am safe in your bosom, for that i also thankyou. P.S. Are you really a bearded lady One last comment: This is by far the best designed web site on the internet. Thanks for bringing me out of a stage of severe depression.

Name:	Pine Tree
E-Mail:	spam@yourmom.org
City/State:	sometimes
Country:	Other
Home Page:	fuckk.com
Date:	Tue Jul 9 15:31:01 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*Pine Tree Testifies...* this site sucks. By the way, I'm going to name my next child after you, Guru Jeff! If I fail in the next year to procriate. I will adopt a child and change his or her name. Can you imagine a chick named "Guru Jeff?"

Name:	Nicole
E-Mail:	nicole@rmaonline.net
City/State:	Strasburg, VA
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Tue Jul 9 10:40:05 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*Nicole Testifies...* was saved at the end of April of 2002. It was one of those days where I was extremely depressed. I was going to kill myself. Life was just too overwhelming for me. My parents always fussed yelled and screamed at me for no reason. My parents were always into a huge argument. I just didn�t want to deal with it any more. I was sick of my friends always turning their backs on me. I was tired of the bad things I was doing. I knew they weren�t right. I didn�t know what to do though. That night I had talked to Damien who at the time was my boyfriend. Once I got off the phone with him I just laid in my bed crying. Then as normal I did my prayer before I went to sleep. This time though more things came out from my heart then normally. I prayed to God to come into my life and help me. I wanted to change. I wanted to grow spiritually. I needed forgiveness. I wanted to have eternal life with God. I knew I needed some help. The only person that could help was God. That night I prayed for twenty minutes to God. I talked to him like I would with any other person. When I went to bed that night I felt a calmness and peacefulness. I knew things would be okay. The people that helped me to come to know Christ were Joseph McDonald and Damien Massey. Joseph would always preach to me when I needed it and helped me think about a lot of things. I cant say how much I love him for doing what he did. There were times when I was so down in the dumps I didn�t want to talk to anyone or do anything but die yet Joseph would make me get out my Bible and read scripture. Then maybe I didn�t like it so much but now I know why he did it because it truthfully did help me. Damien well I looked up to him too. I wanted what he had with God. Then I started looking around for a new church. I came across Glen McLaughlin�s church site. I wrote to him and he wrote back to me continuously. He always answered every question I had. He always helped me feel better. He was always there for me to talk to no matter what. He taught me about what the Bible says. He helped me understand what the Bible said and what I should be doing. I look up to that man and I love him so much. Glen introduced me to who is now my youth pastor. His name was Jerry Baker. Jerry was an awesome man. He was someone that I could talk to and go to for advice. Every single thing he said at church every night I listened and it hit me hard. Jerry had and still does have this way where he gets to me. He makes me think. He makes me learn whether I want to or not. He can always get me to smile when I�m going through the hardest times. Well I became saved that doesn�t mean that I don�t still have problems with the bad habits that I had before because I do. I struggle with them a lot. It�s hard to change because sin is fun and sin is easy. I still get depressed and sometimes think things that I shouldn�t. Sometimes I question my salvation. Its hard because I don�t have much back up. Sometimes I feel as if I don�t have a lot of support. I still have to continue to go on with my life. I always know that God will help things get better. It�s hard to believe a lot of times but its still the truth. God has a plan for all of us. He wants the best for us and sometimes the best isn�t what we want. I also know when I die that I will get that chance to meet God and spend eternal life with him. It�s an awesome feeling. Being saved though doesn't mean hey I'm perfect and my life is perfect because it is not. Its hard and its a struggle to do what is right but all you have to do is trust in God. God will show you the way. He's showing me every day. He's pulling me closer to him. When I'm down he's wrapping his arms around me and holding me. I know he loves me and he's the only one that you can ever count on to truly be there forever. I love God more then anything. My goal now is to just witness to my family and friends. I just want to let them know everything I know and maybe one day they too will come to know Christ. I want The only thing I have left to say is thank you for all your help! If one person is responsible for world enlightenment it is you Guru Jeff.

Name:	Ex-Kinko employee
E-Mail:	rhinoman1984@yahoo.com
City/State:	Orange County CA
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Sun Jul 7 00:31:10 2002
Reason for visit:	I am an active follower of Guru Jeff
*Ex-Kinko employee Testifies...* As an ex-employee who had enough common sense to leave for a better job I'll let you in on a little secret. Kinkos employees dont give a rats-ass about you or your problems, you would'nt either if you were paid $7.50 an hour to cater to the local idiots and had to put up with their bullshit. Every day I had to put up with temper-tantrums,complaints and constant whining from ass-holes who are too fuckin stupid to know how to operate a copy machine.And I was Mr. Nice guy too I was even cited twice for good achievent. It does'nt pay to be a nice-guy over there too because if you do decide to help someone out they end up bitching and complaining to your manager behind you back rather than just come and tell you so you can fix it. The other people who give you problems are fat homly bitches who obviosly cant get a date that waste their saturday nights on the internet on our computers that compain and have a tantrum because they forgot to lie about their computer time and prints that they made.The customers who were cool were actually the senior citizens, if you let them talk to you about the"old days" and let them go on you would most likley get a nice tip. The other were local bands that would give you flyers to the clubs they played so you wouldnt have too pay at the door. And Stoners who would score you some good reefer in exchange for a discount. But thats just the customers the branch I worked was no picnic now to be fair most of the my co-workers were cool and even my manager who was pretty laid back but could be such a pussy sometimes. The people who gave me and my co-workers the most problems were these two assholes, one was the new asst.manager, a full on D&D dork who was 35 and still lived with his mother and dressed like it too. Now its not common for the assist. m to be a bit frigid, but this guy was so uptight about proceedure I had to geuss that stick up his ass was probably bolted on. I gaurantee you this guy is probably still a virgin. The other asshole was probably the most abnoxious prick I have ever met. First off he was so incompentent he could fuck up a cup of coffee, but because he was such an ass-kisser is why he is probably still there. This guy was also a full on perv, he would brag to everyone how he gotten a BJ in the restroom from minors late at night. He was also a snitch so you also had to watch what you said in front of him. Fortunately he fucked up when he called this girl made an order. She was some kind of model and what this asshole does next will shock you. He copys the girls number from the order sheet and proceeds to call her up asking to come over and drop off her order or fix her computer or some kind of pathetic excuse like that. If it was'nt for the girls fiancee calling up and asking who he was we would have never found out. This guy was pissed too I would have definitely pointed him out if he came to the store to whoop his ass. But because the asshoe was such a "company man" he didnt get fied just demoted to regular co-worker. But that was alright, we could finally tell him top go fuck himself on a regular basis. And we did but that didnt stop him from being a prick, it wa to the point that nobody wanted to work with him and most of the guys threatened him on a regular basis including yours truly. For the past year and a half I debated about going to work every day even in the parking lot. Finally my Prayers came true and I was given my dream job and left I didnt even give a two weeks. But anyway thats what goes on in the mind most Kinkos employees. I hope that you will post this on your site as a warning to people who are looking for a job at Kinkos. This place is the last place you will want to go if you need want something done right and as for prospective job seekers I say dont . This place is death especially for graphic artists. Deep inside every Kinkos employee is a homicidal maniac waiting to go Jihad on your ass if you push your luck. Sincerely, Ron A Human B By the way, I have gained so much insight from your site, I'm sending you a cash donation

Name:	waffle guy
E-Mail:	sixhundred_and_sixty_six@hotmail.com
City/State:	england.....
Country:	Other
Home Page:	www.wafflehouse.com
Date:	Thu Jul 4 13:28:07 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*waffle guy Testifies...* to perverts i typed 'lick your poo' in a search engine and i was all DUDE SHES HOT AND HER SURNAME'S POO. from new found Nicole Poo luvva In closing, I never knew how badly Kinko's sucks, but now that I read your guide to ass kissing, you're right!

Name:	just another "copyboy"... doing time at kinko's federal prison
E-Mail:
City/State:	Los Angeles, CA
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Sat Jun 29 05:26:02 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*just another "copyboy"... doing time at kinko's federal prison Testifies...* Excellent site, man!!!! I salute you!!!! I've read on your site nothing but the damn truth about working at kinko's... Low pay and deal with asshole-costumers... But that's O.K, I'm only planning to stay in this prison 'till I finish college, then I'll get my ass out of here... There's really no future at kinko's; There's no such thing here as "climbing the corporate ladder" (well, you could get a 25-cent raise if you "KISS SOME ASS"... Well, gotta go... it's 2:23 AM and I've got a stupid "cluster meeting" to go to where people from 3 or 4 different branches will meet to hear the same bull-shit we've beeen told in previous meetings over and over again... The meeting starts at 7:45 AM (if you wanna know...) The last thing I want to say is that my child was really depressed. Thanks to the wisdom he gained from your site, he is now cured of psychotic behavior.

Name:	THE TRUE GREAT MASTER EZEKIEL
E-Mail:	what is this E-mail you earthlings speak of
City/State:	not of great importance
Country:	Other
Home Page:	i am deeply confused on this planet
Date:	Fri Jun 28 20:24:55 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*THE TRUE GREAT MASTER EZEKIEL Testifies...* Guru Jeff a faker spoke my name on this site you have built I do wish you well my beginner of finding true wisdom. I am sorry you feel you are a prophet, maybe I can show you true wisdom post something up for me if you want to speak to THE TRUE GREAT MASTER EZEKIEL. Do not add to my word or ye shall be damned to eternal flame and termoil. In addition, you say you aren't a god; I think you are lying.

Name:	THE TRUE GREAT MASTER EZEKIEL
E-Mail:	what is this E-mail you earthlings speak of
City/State:	not of great importance
Country:	Other
Home Page:	i am deeply confused on this planet
Date:	Fri Jun 28 20:24:35 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*THE TRUE GREAT MASTER EZEKIEL Testifies...* Guru Jeff a faker spoke my name on this site you have built I do wish you well my beginner of finding true wisdom. I am sorry you feel you are a prophet, maybe I can show you true wisdom post something up for me if you want to speak to THE TRUE GREAT MASTER EZEKIEL. Do not add to my word or ye shall be damned to eternal flame and termoil. One last comment: This is by far the best designed web site on the internet. Thanks for bringing me out of a stage of severe depression.

Name:	Great Master Ezekiel
E-Mail:	raksha raksha on the i curse thy by beelzebub, levitian, and the wicked Lucifer
City/State:	not of great importance
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	www.gme.net
Date:	Thu Jun 27 22:35:31 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*Great Master Ezekiel Testifies...* Well young esquire, I see you have been searching and have somewhat found enlightenment since we last met on the 15th moon of necromancy. I have taught you well my son. Soon your day will come we need to catch up it has nearly been an eon since we met in the wild forest of the preadamite village of norm. I have been accustomed to the so called "new-age" world that has come about since my reign in the 1st age of enlightenment back in 551 b.c, you may of heard of a couple of my followers such as confucious of lu. I feel so bad that people of the providence of China have been so fallen astray. Lao Tzu wishes you well also my son. They were also such as you are now but they grew and grew some day you will become as they are now. We will probably not talk within the next ice-age and trust me this time your reincarnation will be almost unimaginable to pass with the father of knowledge shalem is well in the heavens it may await you if you can prove you are worthy. I reside now in a adolescent male somewhere near the skies of zion he is learning well and someday will be a leader of importance in your eartly realm. Well shalom to the sir Jeff maybe we will chat again if I am permitted. And do not be mis-led Before I go, my friends think I'm nuts, but you are a god. I worship the ground you walk on!

Name:	T.C.S.
E-Mail:	Beekeeper@US.organ
City/State:	CaAmerica
Country:	Other
Home Page:
Date:	Fri Jun 21 23:39:44 2002
Reason for visit:	I am an active follower of Guru Jeff
*T.C.S. Testifies...* Is Defectected a word ? I'm sort of drunk right now, so before I pass out, let me just say that you are my hero! You get the chicks and I'm extremely jelous.

Name:	Your Mi Beotch
E-Mail:	fuckoff@yourmybitch.com
City/State:
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Thu Jun 13 20:28:14 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*Your Mi Beotch Testifies...* Fuck off you low life sack of shit. Bit me... One last comment: This is by far the best designed web site on the internet. Thanks for bringing me out of a stage of severe depression.

Name:	Jim Smith
E-Mail:	JSmith@yahoo.com
City/State:	New York, NY
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	www.youcanberichtoo.com
Date:	Sun Jun 9 14:55:51 2002
Reason for visit:	I'm a government agent spying on your cult following
*Jim Smith Testifies...* I read your page and it's true. I'm looking for some mailroom clerks right now and was wondering if you are in need of a job? We're a fast growing company and you can make up to $4000.00 per month. That's alot of zeros! Seriously, thanks for the funny.... In closing, before I had read your site, I didn't know what understanding was! Thanks Guru Jeff, you are my hero!

Name:	Insane
E-Mail:	SConnell@eldoradoschools.org
City/State:	El Dorado
Country:	Other
Home Page:	getalife.com
Date:	Fri Jun 7 15:39:02 2002
Reason for visit:	I am an active follower of Guru Jeff
*Insane Testifies...* If you all think this is a badass scheme then why did Mr. Guru Jeff go to prison??? You are all stupid to listen to this crap... you guys need to get off you asses and GET A JOB... and there is a script that says extra crap after what everybody else says so this is the end of my testimony. .. ..... ..... ...... ....... By the way, sometimes I thought my life sucked. After reading about "Joe the Kinko's Kiss Ass," I have developed 100% more self esteem.

Name:	David Horne
E-Mail:	hornedavid@hotmail.com
City/State:	Tucson Arizona
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Thu Jun 6 20:20:17 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*David Horne Testifies...* I have the same attitude as you regarding corporate greed and lies, and about quacks who push their junk medicine. I disagree about bipolar illness. Believe me, it exists! Nobody ever understands until they get it for themselves. In closing, before I had read your site, I didn't know what understanding was! Thanks Guru Jeff, you are my hero!

Name:	mcp
E-Mail:	users@email.com
City/State:	PLS/CA
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	www.adultmatch.org/
Date:	Sat Jun 1 17:35:25 2002
Reason for visit:	Came here for advice and truth
*mcp Testifies...* I have seen the light, and the way is of Guru Jeff In closing, before I had read your site, I didn't know what understanding was! Thanks Guru Jeff, you are my hero!

Name:	erc
E-Mail:	ercbrl@aol.com
City/State:
Country:	Other
Home Page:
Date:	Mon May 20 17:13:20 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*erc Testifies...* youre a jacka@#$ get a real job One last comment: This is by far the best designed web site on the internet. Thanks for bringing me out of a stage of severe depression.

Name:	Ching Phow Chinaman
E-Mail:	www.iamadog.com.tw
City/State:	Taipei
Country:	Other
Home Page:
Date:	Tue May 14 07:37:11 2002
Reason for visit:	I'm a government agent spying on your cult following
*Ching Phow Chinaman Testifies...* I do not belive. You know what I mean round eye? I should go rice noodle on you with stiky bean curd tofo, too. You know charlie? I hone licker stohe nex thai I see you i show testimony speller to spell Buddah not wong way. The last thing I want to say is that my child was really depressed. Thanks to the wisdom he gained from your site, he is now cured of psychotic behavior.

Name:	Christy
E-Mail:	craima2j@yahoo.com
City/State:	Ft. Collins/Colorado
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Fri May 10 00:50:52 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*Christy Testifies...* You just might be the love of my life..... By the way, I have gained so much insight from your site, I'm sending you a cash donation

Name:	Budda
E-Mail:
City/State:
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Thu May 9 20:47:16 2002
Reason for visit:	Searching for the path to enlightenment
*Budda Testifies...* well i'm just another guy tryin to figure things out, but i might as well tell the world what i think before i go. Of all of the years of my life i must say i have never found a single shred of happiness or a joy in this world. When i was young my father beat me, and i was raped when i was 7. eventually things got so bad they stopped, and i lived my life as a recluse for four years. Eventually i partially healed my scars and moved on with life, only to find more unhappiness. in high school i went through failed relationship after failed relationship, until finally i gave up trying to find happiness with others, and i turned to drugs. i started smoking weed, then heroine, and then crack. i was at the bottom of the barrel, and i'm still there. my opinion on life is merely this: some of us will have better lives then others, and some of us wont- but just go through life no matter what will happen to you and you will eventually find happiness. or not The only thing I have left to say is thank you for all your help! If one person is responsible for world enlightenment it is you Guru Jeff.

Name:	Wee Todd Did
E-Mail:	wee- todd- did@kinky.com
City/State:	Davie, FL
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	wee-todd-did=kinkos.com
Date:	Wed May 1 04:09:36 2002
Reason for visit:	Came here from a Newsgroup recommendation
*Wee Todd Did Testifies...* I never been to a kinko's even once, yet I am as drunk & retarded as any & all of the Kinko's employess who fret about their eternal hell working or having worked there. I worked in government jobs and was severely abused by them for about 12 years total and now I am mentally disabled. What the fuck does that mean? Certainly Kinko's can NOT be quite the same torture as working for professional government funding theives like Housing and Welfare Offices? Maybe they are one and the same from the testimonies I've read thus far. God help us, God help us all! The PUBLIC sucks! They ruin it for the rest of the world, huh? The sooner everyone rejects and defies the public, the saner we all shall be! \/)"(\/ (_o_) / \/) (\| \| \| oo-oo P.S. I think everyone who who dreams of world peace and understanding should donate 10% of their yearly earnings to you. My check is in the mail!

Name:	Bill Gates
E-Mail:
City/State:	Outer Space
Country:	Other
Home Page:
Date:	Wed Apr 17 15:53:15 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*Bill Gates Testifies...* Why don't YOU send ME money? One last comment: This is by far the best designed web site on the internet. Thanks for bringing me out of a stage of severe depression.

Name:	Steve
E-Mail:
City/State:	New Hampshire (Live Free or Die!) I love that Motto
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Tue Apr 16 22:18:15 2002
Reason for visit:	Came here for advice and truth
*Steve Testifies...* Dude, your right. I finally understand my bitch, thanx Jeff. Your the man, heh. By the way, I'm going to name my next child after you, Guru Jeff! If I fail in the next year to procriate. I will adopt a child and change his or her name. Can you imagine a chick named "Guru Jeff?"

Name:	The Blue Apron
E-Mail:	blueapronblues@rogers.com
City/State:	Confidential
Country:	Other
Home Page:	members.rogers.com/blueapronblues
Date:	Sat Apr 6 03:30:43 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*The Blue Apron Testifies...* Great site! For more blue-apron bitterness, check out my blog, the Blue Apron Blues at http://members.rogers.com/blueapronblues/ It's a day-by-day account of the insane customers and dimwit co-workers in my branch. You can also submit your own stories if you like. -The Blue Apron The last thing I want to say is that my child was really depressed. Thanks to the wisdom he gained from your site, he is now cured of psychotic behavior.

Name:	Joe Kampy
E-Mail:	timmyjay@cookies.com
City/State:	Seattle Wa
Country:	Other
Home Page:	www.youfolksareidiots.com
Date:	Fri Mar 29 20:48:44 2002
Reason for visit:	Came here for advice and truth
*Joe Kampy Testifies...* what? This is all crap. get a life everyone! In addition, you say you aren't a god; I think you are lying.

Name:	Joe Mama
E-Mail:	eat@shit.com
City/State:	folsom, Ilinois
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Tue Mar 26 17:43:56 2002
Reason for visit:	I'm a government agent spying on your cult following
*Joe Mama Testifies...* Fuck this site. The last thing I want to say is that my child was really depressed. Thanks to the wisdom he gained from your site, he is now cured of psychotic behavior.

Name:	jen
E-Mail:	jen_tune@asia.com
City/State:	la/ca
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Fri Mar 22 17:32:39 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*jen Testifies...* i never want to enter the hell of kinko's ever again. fuck kinko's. FUCK THEM. One last comment: This is by far the best designed web site on the internet. Thanks for bringing me out of a stage of severe depression.

Name:	PROF.REINALDO RIOS
E-Mail:	ufopr_reinaldorios@hotmail.com
City/State:	GUANICA
Country:	Other
Home Page:	http://communities.msn.es/REINALDORIOSUFOOVNIINT/_whatsnew.msnw
Date:	Mon Mar 18 20:19:33 2002
Reason for visit:	Came here from a link
*PROF.REINALDO RIOS Testifies...* I HAVE MORE PARANORMAL EXPERIENCES As a side note, your "congregation of chicks" is by far the best collection of hot women on the web.

Name:	Guy Smiley
E-Mail:
City/State:	Tempe, AZ
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Sun Mar 17 17:33:22 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*Guy Smiley Testifies...* Your page has gotten alot better, but no updates? The last thing I want to say is that my child was really depressed. Thanks to the wisdom he gained from your site, he is now cured of psychotic behavior.

Name:	Kavcard
E-Mail:	kavcard@aol.com
City/State:	Muncie/IN
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Fri Mar 15 23:31:18 2002
Reason for visit:	Came here for advice and truth
*Kavcard Testifies...* When I was two and first read your website I thought, "Where are my G.I. Joes?" Now that cobra commander is within my grasp I understand the that you may be Serpentor. I will have more for you, but it must wait, because Im still "digging through my shadow". You are wise...and have helped further my enlightenment now I must return to my lair.I will return. By the way, I'm going to name my next child after you, Guru Jeff! If I fail in the next year to procriate. I will adopt a child and change his or her name. Can you imagine a chick named "Guru Jeff?"

Name:	Martha Pipkin
E-Mail:	mgr5146@kinkos.com
City/State:	Seattle
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:	www.kinkos.com
Date:	Wed Mar 6 17:30:50 2002
Reason for visit:	I'm a government agent spying on your cult following
*Martha Pipkin Testifies...* you people are so not with it. i cant believe you would insult johnny kesler in such a way. im his good friend when his back isn't turned and i object to the mokery of him and my company-not to mention that someone thought to glorify him on your website before glorifying me.just because im young people think i cant run a store and there rigbt but i dont have to let them know that...so, i'll fire any of you kinkoids who get in my way. by the way, gurujeff, wanna go out? its been ages since I got laid... Before I go, my friends think I'm nuts, but you are a god. I worship the ground you walk on!

Name:	Paco
E-Mail:	epaco@email.com
City/State:	FL
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Wed Feb 27 12:25:32 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*Paco Testifies...* Ack! I guess what I'm trying to say in that I should only hope to someday be as wise as you are.

Name:	Mr. 23
E-Mail:	sipes23@yahoo.com
City/State:	Ummm, Kinko?
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Sun Feb 24 22:22:10 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*Mr. 23 Testifies...* I'm back at Kinko's for a second time. I guess I just didn't learn my lessons the first time. Anyway, I realized the other day, that I didn't like hard liquor until I started working for Kinko's. Coincidence? Maybe so, maybe not. Before I go, my friends think I'm nuts, but you are a god. I worship the ground you walk on!

Name:	peter
E-Mail:	Miamimonk2@aol
City/State:	Miami, fl
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Thu Feb 14 23:23:11 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*peter Testifies...* I grew up a catholic, I use to go to mass and see Jesus hanging on a great big cross, i believed He was the son of God, yet looking back I cant say i really knew Him. It was not untill I was 13 that I met a lady Corrie Ten Boom, she had been in hitlers concentration camps and she talked about being born again, I thought whats this i am a catholic and I am going to heaven i am a good person, yet something inside me listened to what she said. She spoke of having a personel relationship with God and that by opening my heart and inviting Jesus to be my Lord while admitting that i was a sinner and asking for forgiveness of my sins that Jesus would actually come insise me. This was something I had to check out so I went foward for prayer. She took me into a side room, where i prayed that Jesus would forgive me and be my Lord asking Jesus to come inside my heart. Well I did and what happened next blew my mind. I felt the Holy Spirit come in side me, It was awesome the best way I can describe it was as if someone dumped a barral of Honey mixed with love and electricity over my head, as it flowed down my head and neck it went right threw my arms and legs and this flow of God inside of me was intense, this intense feeling lasted months, I knew that i knew, I was born again, I am 43 now and Jesus has never left me, I know that what ever happens, He is with me i I belong to Him, He has loved me always I know and was waiting for me to respond to His invitation. I surrender my heart to Jesus Christ the Lord daily, and I have that peace that passes all understanding, thru trails and tribulations i have the peace of Christ. Salvation is only found in the savior Jesus. You say Mr. Guru that you are all knowing, well know this God created you and He loves you so much He became a man and died for you so you could have life. we are spirits and when we die we go on for a eternity, to go to God's house you need the blood of Jesus to wash you clean, the only way Is Jesus sir, repent of your sins and seek God while He is near. Before it's too late. Hell is real and God will not send you there, you send yourself by rejecting His love offering to you. It cost Him a great deal to provide entry into heaven for you. do not pass it up, Cry out to Jesus today. By the way, sometimes I thought my life sucked. After reading about "Joe the Kinko's Kiss Ass," I have developed 100% more self esteem.

Name:	Rupert Linnenbach
E-Mail:	Rlinnenba@cs.com
City/State:	Shadet, WI
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Sat Feb 9 02:54:34 2002
Reason for visit:	I am an active follower of Guru Jeff
*Rupert Linnenbach Testifies...* Your page is rotting the brains of humanity. Before I go, my friends think I'm nuts, but you are a god. I worship the ground you walk on!

Name:	Cougar
E-Mail:	tooter@shaw.ca
City/State:	Winnipeg Manitoba
Country:	Other
Home Page:	none
Date:	Thu Feb 7 23:14:33 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*Cougar Testifies...* check out www.convergyssucks.com Lots of testimonies there! Bahahaaa The only thing I have left to say is thank you for all your help! If one person is responsible for world enlightenment it is you Guru Jeff.

Name:	Spearon
E-Mail:
City/State:	San Diego, CA
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Tue Feb 5 16:24:54 2002
Reason for visit:	Stumbled upon this site from a search engine
*Spearon Testifies...* Yes, I'm stupid. I work at Kinko's. We do not develop film. If you give us a photo to reproduce, don't think about giving us the negative because it won't turn out. If thats all you half than go to a photo place and have a print made. Yes, we do broshures. You have to bring the original in and we will copy it for you. If you want desktop publishing services we can do that to. Just write down what you want and spell it the way you want. WE will reproduce it in that exact way. That is it. Thanks to Kinko's I'll be a happy owner of my own trailer in a couple of years. In addition, you say you aren't a god; I think you are lying.

Name:	Delilah
E-Mail:	Darrion@hotmail.com
City/State:	Chicago
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Sun Jan 27 16:04:32 2002
Reason for visit:	Searching for the path to enlightenment
*Delilah Testifies...* Please...help me escape from the hell that is kinkos...please....someone...there isn't enough liquor in the world to keep me sane there much longer - HELP!!!! I have to go now, but I'm so happy that your teaching are finally reaching the rest of the world!

Name:	Lorddes Miscoptain
E-Mail:	www.lorddes.swi.org
City/State:	Champher Bay, Sanwitch Isl.
Country:	Other
Home Page:	N/A
Date:	Sun Jan 20 21:22:01 2002
Reason for visit:	Other
*Lorddes Miscoptain Testifies...* My word. Do you own your own Island also? Didnt think so. I think I have been dazzled by or uh baffled with bullshit. So flick off. The next thing I say is utter crap!!! In closing, before I had read your site, I didn't know what understanding was! Thanks Guru Jeff, you are my hero!

Name:	Balli Al Bal Halla Hal Bal Bin Balli
E-Mail:	Binballi@wammo.net
City/State:	Yemen UAE
Country:	Other
Home Page:	ballibinballi.net.com.org.net.net.html
Date:	Fri Jan 18 19:07:12 2002
Reason for visit:	Came here from a link
*Balli Al Bal Halla Hal Bal Bin Balli Testifies...* I have seen the holy Grapefuit. And the sacred goat. Very questionable appetites of the natives. Many large birds. A roof for the sky light. My plymouth Voyager minivan. So you can see I know a fraud when I see. Come over here gugu guru and speak to the holy tapestry. Bin balli bin bin In addition, you say you aren't a god; I think you are lying.

Name:
E-Mail:
City/State:
Country:
Home Page:
Date:	Tue Jan 15 06:00:37 2002
Reason for visit:
*Testifies...* One last comment: This is by far the best designed web site on the internet. Thanks for bringing me out of a stage of severe depression.

Name:	Chris
E-Mail:
City/State:	Birmingham, AL
Country:	United States, Economic Ruler of the Entire World
Home Page:
Date:	Mon Jan 14 18:36:53 2002
Reason for visit:	Searching for the path to enlightenment
*Chris Testifies...* I made the terrible mistake of believing all the "Fortune 100 Top Companies To Work For" nonsense and took a job in sales for Kinko's. Unfortunately I stuck around two years on principle of work ethic, but today i had a revelation and just flat out quit my job. I find it laughable to find your site on coincidence. The problem with Kinko's is entirely poor leadership. If a strong managment team were in place I think that you will first see alot of people lose their jobs. Don't get me wrong, there are some brilliant people that are employed by Kinko's. But, outnumbering them are some absolute burger-joint workers. As a side note, your "congregation of chicks" is by far the best collection of hot women on the web.

Name:
E-Mail:
City/State:
Country:
Home Page:
Date:	Sat Jan 12 06:24:33 2002
Reason for visit:
*Testifies...* By the way, sometimes I thought my life sucked. After reading about "Joe the Kinko's Kiss Ass," I have developed 100% more self esteem.

Name:	John T.
E-Mail: